Blog #10: Where I'm At.
Hello Everyone!
It has been a while. The last time I wrote a blog I was in a very different place compared to where I am today. Instead of going through everything that has changed in my life it would be more effective if I went over what I’ve learned and where I expect it to take me in the coming months.
I Had An Objective.
When I first moved to Myrtle Beach, SC I had an outlook of what I wanted to accomplish. A majority if not all of it was individualistic and completely self-centered to focus on my own growth. In the first few months, I faced a lot of fears of mine I didn’t understand how to handle and overcame them. The fear of being alone was overcome with the confidence in my ability to form relationships, maintain relationships I have but most of all realizing that a relationship with self is a powerful way to overcome loneliness. What I learned is that my fear of loneliness was rooted in the fact that I would become useless to other people or “boring” even though I didn’t know how. It was also fueled by the idealizations created by me through the perception of the world around me.
To overcome that, I needed to train myself to be happy in the moment that I was living in, to not compare my experience to others just myself and to stop idealizing everything. That was probably the biggest change. The next fear I dealt with was the fear of being alive. I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with my life. At some points I have found my life to be a blessing and at others I have found it to be a burden. When I was young and didn’t have proper influences to guide me through those feelings, I created poor habits that only continued to inflict pain in these mental processes. Instead of getting better I was only harming myself more internally until it began to become external. At that point, others recognized these wounds and began to step in and guide me. I’m thankful for their influence but I knew that regardless of outside influences I needed my own being to be willing to change and adapt to achieve this new way of life. I had recognized that before forming new relationships in a new place I need to make sure that this fear was taken care of. With sole focus on this, I restructured my goals, principles and morals. I improved the intentionality in my relationships. I recognized all in my life that is a blessing and I reflected on my past.
My reflection period is what brought me the most peace. To see all that I had overcome, all the trials I had faced and all the relationships that I had created, lost and rekindled. All the turmoil I had been through, yet I remained standing on my own two feet through all of it ready to take on the next challenge. I realized, while sometimes I had not outwardly expressed this ability, that I had the ability to overcome any challenge that I face. Which in turn helped me realize, life is a blessing just for that reason. As someone who is passionate about strengthening my own being through my experiences, I realized that through all that I have been through, I have been prepared for what is to come. Instead of questioning whether I can make it through, I changed my question to how I can use what I’ve learned to apply it to what I need to do today. Is it relevant? Does it work that way? Do I need to try something different since I’ve already tried it that way?
I Love To Fail.
Through all these fears I faced and conquered, I learned that there also needs to be a change in desire of heart. That desire is to fail. The desire to fall multiple times, because each time I do I can find more out about that experience versus winning. I’ve found when things go our way, we don’t often ask questions, we take it. When things don’t, we are left asking why. I changed my outlook from trying to succeed to trying to fail. I do not mean doing things the wrong way on purpose although that is how I first started getting comfortable with failing. Rather, I am saying doing something you know you wouldn’t normally do. Do it so well. Be ready to fail. When you do, smile, reflect and repeat. When we fail, we feel that outcome. Try, try again is a great way to put it. I’ve become more comfortable with failing because I’ve realized it makes me better than who I was yesterday. That is my mantra. I want to do better than what I did yesterday. Then who I was yesterday.
I'm Blessed, Baby...
I want to be more consistent with these blogs but the probability of that is uncertain as I am much busier than I used to be. I have been putting myself out there and just doing what I need to do to achieve what I desire and it has been happening. I will list here what has happened in bullet points because I love bullet points:
- I have been blessed enough to meet a wonderful woman who has exceeded what I’ve prayed for and what I desire and need. She is a true blessing and in such a short span of time I have had the chance to know her more and fall in love with her more each day. She has brought a family that I also love and has given me experiences I will cherish forever. I could talk about her forever because every day I only find more about her, I love. The impact she’s already had is unbelievable and the people that know me and love me, love her. She has taught me a lot already and she has helped me become the individual man I am always working to be and together we make an unstoppable team.
- I have been blessed with a job at the news in Myrtle Beach that has surrounded me with people who are older than me and from that I can take lessons each day on what I desire for my future. The job itself is a new practice where I have gained skills and experience, I will use forever. It has also connected me within the local community and has provided me with memorable experiences I am thankful for.
- I have been blessed with a loving, supporting and healthy church community where I have the opportunity to serve and grow. I meet new people whenever I am there and I often gain new friends who add to the abundant community I already have and I love the opportunities I have to gather together in community.
- I have been blessed with friendships in the south where I never thought I would find community given my original objective. It has been within these communities that I have not only filled the desires I’ve had but have also given that same joy and desire to others.
- I have been blessed with opportunities within my hobbies to flourish into something more. Recently, I have taken on the opportunity to be a part of Don’t Tell Comedy in Myrtle Beach where I will be producing shows bringing comedy to the beach. I have also had the hance to perform comedy in the area and have found a new love and hobby I hope to continue to pursue. As time goes, I know more hobbies, opportunities and achievements will come as that has always been who I am. I hope to lock down a couple which I can focus on.
Ultimately, I have been blessed with so much to be thankful for. Truly, without my faith and perseverance in God, I wouldn’t be here and I recognize that this is only the beginning of what is to come. I am so thankful He has made a big change like this feel manageable. All the credit goes to Him and I hope that as time goes on I can only show that more through what I do. Make sure to share any comments, suggestions or critiques below. Until next time, stay classy 🙂
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