Blog #14: Listen, Learn & Love.
What & Why?
I have been in Brasil for nearly a month now. My time so far has been amazing. At the same time, I can feel that I am not myself. This may sound strange, but I’ve learned that’s not always a bad thing. Let me build on that. When I always act on my innate desires, I have learned that there are things I can miss. I am naturally an extroverted person, with a desire to talk. Sometimes, I’ve learned it is necessary to not do that. Being in a different country has forced me to do this. There are so many circumstances that I’ve been in recently where I wanted to say something, I wanted to make a joke or I wanted to add something clever to a conversation. The problem is, I don’t know how to say these things in Portuguese always and I begin to question myself whether it would even make sense in that context given the language barrier.
The characteristic that I have primarily been growing during this time has been my ability to listen. During times when I really want to say something, instead of trying to figure out how to say it, I’ve stayed quiet and listened. It takes a lot of patience but generally the outcome has proven worth it. It has also helped me reflect on my conversations in the US. The biggest thing that has stuck out to me is my humor I believe can be way too much at points. I take a lot of opportunities to make a joke in a conversation instead of making a point to actively listen and affirm others in conversations. Having this language barrier helped me realize that and it is something I am working on.
Listen
Listening is the most important part of communication. Historically, I have struggled to listen to those I don’t want to listen to. I don’t expect I am the only one in that. What I have learned through that before speaking my mind first or soon after in response it is better to slow myself down, open myself up and lend my neighbor both of my listening ears. It’s as simple as that, I desire to be challenged in that and I desire to be called out if I’m not doing that. Listening isn’t done just by my two ears. It is done by every part of my body, mind and spirit.
In the world we live in today, everyone has a voice and we all use it frequently. The digital age has increased our “talk”. We are conditioned to listen for a short period of time now and in that short period, if our attention isn’t caught, it isn’t worth our time. I don’t desire to live my life that way.
We also live in a world where the voices we do listen to are carefully curated. There is less challenge in our communication, discourse and healthy disagreement. I desire to have conversations where I disagree with others, because those are the conversations that keep me thinking at night about it. To then eliminate that individual from our life based on a disagreement to keep “peace” is an internal warfare that won’t bring peace but just another wall on top of the millions we already have in our life.
With all of this, listening is crucial. I desire to put myself in environments I’m not used to. People of different cultures, backgrounds and beliefs. Places of different infrastructures, weather and especially food. I desire to be surrounded by different, unfamiliar and conflicting spaces. In those spaces, I will listen. I desire to listen to who I don’t feel challenged by as well. People that I share similar opinions with. Doing that isn’t difficult and the reason I am sharing this is because I am challenging myself to difficult.
Listening is a lost art I believe is so crucial to be gained back in society. In sales, the most important skill to have is listening skills. People think it’s what the salesperson says that sells the product, but it’s what the salesperson hears that sells the product.
Learn
The next characteristic I am working on is the ability to learn. Actively learn. People tell me about what they are doing, whether it’s a new hobby or a project or a passion they’ve had. When I take the first step to listen, often times I find myself so engaged that I want to know more. I believe this is where the response is so valuable. Instead of trying to relate to the individual or simply repeat back what they said to acknowledge I’ve listened, it’s important to ask deeper questions. I don’t need to be an expert on the subject to ask these questions, I just need to know the framework of how to ask questions to learn. It will apply to the subject regardless.
Questions like: What is your biggest challenge? How do you find success? What is the work environment like? Is the job something you really enjoy? Why?
These are simple and easy questions to build a foundation which creates the framework for a deeper understanding of a topic. From there, taking the time to set in my calendar for browsing more about the topic on my free time. Using my free time not just for the things I enjoy and know, but for the things that others I know enjoy and know. Intentionally asking others who engage in the same activity, watching movies, reading books or even doing the actual activity myself to create a perspective. This characteristic of learning I have found translates to other areas in my life and strengthens my core as an individual. People say the mind is a muscle and you have to work it out.
Doing this feels like a mental work out for a routine that can benefit my future. Whether my future career or business, my future family, my future hobbies and passions or my future friendships. Engaging in active learning instead of listening for a tid bit to relate and create what I feel to be an “entertaining” conversation, taking the time out of my personal day to dedicate time and energy that others dedicate their whole life to. Doing that not only do I create more avenues to relate to others but my knowledge and naturally my relatability to just grows stronger that way. Truly, the goal is this. I believe you can learn from anyone. Sometimes, actively learning about something you aren’t passionate about, may strengthen the personal areas in your life by giving you more purpose in your own passion. It could also build resilience in times of trials when it comes to your own personal enjoyment.
Love
Finally, the last characteristic that I am nowhere near close to mastering is love. I believe today, we define love as something that is repetitive, easy and passive. There isn’t much active engagement in the love we are told to bring to others. Love is a complement of listening and learning with the help of understanding and humility. It is easy to love the people we enjoy listening and learning from. The people who have relatable ideologies or similar backgrounds/demographics. Yet, the people I’ve realized I should be showing more love to are the people that don’t have these comfortable factors. Not that I shouldn’t love them. Of course, I should and I will and I can still learn and listen to them as well.
Today the world is defined by sides, we are pushed to pick them, and our love is determined by the “side” we choose. I’ve come to lose complete interest in associating myself with any kind of side. That doesn’t mean that now I am on the side that doesn’t pick a side. I simply don’t want to not be a part of everything. Rather I want to take a dose of each area holistically and practice the efforts of listening and learning. As I continue to practice that, the love will be felt, because my actions are unconditional to the status.
I must represent love the way Christ asks us to in 1 Corinthians 13. Practicing and applying and adapting with that daily. Love isn’t stagnate and it isn’t a recipe that can be cooked the same way with the same ingredients. Love is expressed differently in humility with the desire to listen and the desire to learn.
As I continue to put myself in unfamiliar spaces, my goal is to continue to grow in these areas and I am certain this is not the last time I will speak on this.
Thank you for listening. If you have thoughts, I would love to hear from you. If you have ideas, I would love to learn from you. I love all of you, thank you and stay classy! 🙂